astuteretracers

I didn’t really want to go at first. It wasn’t just hesitation—it was something deeper. A creeping doubt about my entire existence in this space. I kept thinking, Maybe I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never did. Then why did you push so hard to be part of it? Weren’t you the one eager to get in back then? Maybe. Maybe I just changed my mind halfway through. I thought this time would be different. But so far, it feels like the same old story. And in the worst-case scenario? A year passes, and I find myself stuck, unable to move forward, quietly and silently pushed out of the frame. --- Sunday. Start to finish: 10K. 09:08 to 10:01—exactly one hour. A full family boarded the train—parents and a child. The child was running wild inside the car, completely unsupervised. A security guard stood far off at the back, pretending not to see a thing. C’mon, man. Do your job. Discipline this family. I can’t yell at them—I don’t have the authority—and meanwhile this kid is actively damaging pub...

  Nasi kuning, sambal goreng, rendang, ayam goreng, sambal tumis, nasi goreng, sayur asam, sambal terasi, kerupuk, buah, bubur ayam, mie goreng, lontong sayur. Dari total 600 ton bumbu yang diperlukan, 411 tonnya diimpor langsung dari Indonesia. Taghdiah Advance Co Total 127 kali makan. 84 di Makkah, 27 di Madinah, 15 di Arafah-Muzdalifah-Mina.

Rumah tua di depan Musholla Al Ikhlas, lega bangunannya dan luas pekarangannya. Namun, penghuninya sedikit. Sudah dipasang pengumuman "rumah dijual" juga sejak beberapa bulan lalu.  Tiba-tiba, ada pekerjaan konstruksi. Mulai dari belakang, lalu maju ke depan, membongkar sebagian dinding bangunan utama, dijadikan ruko. Tiba-tiba sudah hampir selesai. Bagian atasnya sudah tampak rata, namun ada beberapa besi tulangan yang masih dibiarkan menjuntai di atas. Ah. Sepertinya, mau dibuat bertingkat. Tiba-tiba, sore itu, aku melihat sebuah banner spanduk, dipasang di antara dua besi tulangan pada bagian atap ruko. Ada logo PLN. Isinya, dilarang membangun bangunan tinggi tepat di atas kabel sutet. "Sesuai dengan Permen ESDM No 13 Tahun 2021, jarak bebas vertikal minimum untuk tegangan 500 KV adalah sembilan meter," kurang lebih isi pesannya seperti itu. Dan, memang benar. Proyek pembangunan ruko ini benar-benar tepat di bawah kabel sutet yang menjuntai. Siapa yang memasang s...

"How much time remains, truly?" The question circles my thoughts like a vulture over a trembling, dying thing. It looms in the quiet moments—those spaces between breaths, between the seconds ticking away on a clock I can no longer bear to look at. The very air feels thick with urgency, as though the cosmos itself is holding its breath, waiting for something I cannot name. "Am I doing the right thing right now?" This moment—this—is all I have. Yet it slips through me like water cupped in trembling hands. I ask myself this not once, but over and over, as if repetition could wring an answer from the silence. But there is only the echo of the question. No response. Just me, and the unrelenting tick of now. "And then there are people. Ah… people." Those strange, seething sparks of soul and skin, endlessly striving, endlessly failing. Why did God create them? Was it love? Was it boredom? Was it necessity, or something darker? Sometimes I look at them and wonder—...

Sometimes, I feel this pressure building in my chest—an unnamed heaviness, dull and low, like an overcast sky that never quite lets the rain fall. And on those days, I want to scream—not in anger, but in mourning. As if I’m grieving for something vague and distant, maybe even imaginary. I want to scream part of my thoughts into the void, hoping they'll scatter and settle somewhere. Not to be heard. Not to be understood. Just to exist beyond me. And yet, I’ve spent too much time—years, even—thinking too hard about the logistics of screaming into the void. Like, which app do I use? There’s X (the husk formerly known as Twitter). I thought about it, briefly. But the place feeds on instant judgment. It devours you the moment you step outside the boundaries of the identity you've unintentionally built. I think some people followed me because of one hit tweet—one viral moment that said, “This is who I am.” But I’m not that moment. Not anymore. Maybe I never was. Now, when I post anyt...

Rencana awalnya, cek lokasi ruangan SNBT tepat di H-1 sebelum ujian. Dia dapat jatah ujian di tanggal 24 April. Berarti, harusnya cek di tanggal 23 April. Pagi ini, aku tiba-tiba berpikir, "Bagaimana jika pada di H-1 itu, kampusnya jadi sangat penuh?" Asumsiku, setiap satu siswa yang ingin cek lokasi ruangan, akan ada banyak anggota keluarganya yang ikut datang mengantar.  Hari ini, H-2. Datang sedikit lebih awal, harusnya masih bisa ditoleransi. Oke, berangkat. *** Seperti biasa, LRT pagi ini mogok lagi. Kereta nomor 1 (K1 1 20 97; TS21 MC 01), sekitar pukul 08.30, beberapa puluh meter tepat sebelum masuk ke Stasiun Cawang. Notifikasi "pintu akan segera dibuka" lagi-lagi berbunyi saat kereta belum masuk ke Stasiun. Untungnya, kali ini, pak masinis sudah tak panik lagi. Dengan sigap, beliau mengambil alih kendali manual kereta ini, lalu menuntun gerbong secara perlahan-lahan, maju memasuki Stasiun Cawang. Ketika posisinya sudah pas dan tepat sasaran, ia menekan seb...